Anyway, I'm here in Cuenca, Ecuador and...wait, what the hell was that? The whole bed shook just now. Earthquake? Or, to be more accurate, a minor tremor at best. Both are quite possible. Ecuador is home to approximately 30 active and nonactive volcanoes, three of which have erupted earlier this year. I wonder if the foundations of our hotel could withstand a series of these tremors? Speaking of our hotel, did I say bed? I meant heavenly, floating cloud. I'm currently living in a suite on the third floor of one of the many old, Spanish style buildings in the historical center of Cuenca. My Dad and I are down here on a tour/scouting mission to find out if Ecuador is a place that my parents would like to retire. So far, it's not been a match, but we've got some more exploring to do. After all, we've been here just two days now. Although, for some places, that's enough time to know. I'm going to predict that in a few more days our answer will be clear, and I'm thinking that answer will be...(unnecessary drumroll) no. "Why?", you might ask. "Isn't it just to die for there?" Well Mr. and Mrs. Uninformed American, I understand why you might think that way, because your illusions are fantastical, but the truth is that you are spoiled and if you attempt a move down here, you'd better do your research first because you will find life different in ways you might not be able handle. That's okay though, I understand that you've been living in the land of convenience and indulgence for your whole life and you really have no idea just what life is like in other parts of the world. My only request is that you don't come down here and start preaching about the way other people should live. For example, in Ecuador, you are not allowed to flush your shitty toilet paper. It goes in the garbage next to your shitter. Also, if you want to go to a public bathroom, you'll have to cough up a little change for a fee. If that shatters your illusions about living abroad, especially in a place like Cuenca, well, good, don't come here! However, if you can withstand some cultural differences and are willing to learn a new language, I can guarantee you will have just a splendid time. My father is the type of man who can adapt to these changes, after all, throwing away your used toilet paper instead of flushing it is really not much to ask, it is? However, Cuenca, thus far, has not proven to be all that sensational. May be we have been misguided, may be we haven't met the right people or been to the right places yet. All of these things are possible. In my experience, patience pays off.
This is just my opinion of course. As a 26 year old man/boy, I can tell you that Cuenca is a quiet and quaint little town, which happen to be both its strength and weakness. If you enjoy a very relaxing atmosphere, comfortable temperature all year round, friendly people and a place where you can indulge in the local cuisine, which, I should add, you could afford on the most meagerly of salaries, then Cuenca may be the place for you. Most shops and restaurants close their doors around 8pm and everything is all quiet on the range by midnight at the latest. Now, I'm not looking for an all night party town with rave clubs and bullshit because, personally, I detest those kinds of places. What I am looking for is some nightlife though. By that I mean a few bars that play some good music that are open until 1 or 2 in the morning. I don't think that is very much to ask for, but in Cuenca, that is nonexistent. At least as far as I know. Now compare this to my life in China in which one could always find a BBQ with multiple groups of drunken Chinamen, shouting in tongues it would take a lifetime to understand, and you can see how this lifestyle transformation might be a bit difficult for me. Although, as a seasoned traveler, I believe in the power of perseverance and I know it's just a matter of time between being a ball of nerves wondering just what the hell kind of decision you made and finding a comfortable niche to call home. There is no set rule for the amount of time that will take. I guess as a general guideline, you might say a year. If you find your niche before then, awesome! If not, then you might want to consider moving on.
One thing that is amazing though is that it is now 7:30am and the smell of fresh brewed, South American coffee is filling my room. It puts me in a trance-like state. I feel compelled to go get myself a cup. In fact, that's what I'm going to do. I'll be right back...Woah! I'm back, but that took much longer than expected. It just so happened that my Dad was also compelled by this enticing aroma and so we went for breakfast together. Here is the rundown of what we ordered:
Three plates of scrambled eggs
Two pieces of toastada with a side of butter and jelly
A cup of tea
A cup of coffee
Two glasses of some type of juice which tasted like Mango and Papaya mixed together
Total: $4 USD
What a country eh? Of course, if you want to find these types of deals, you have to know where to go. There are places all over the city where you can get ham sandwiches, soups, and massive plates of rice mixed with pork and chicken for just a few dollares. Now, as in most countries in the world, there's always a piece of good old America if you want it. On the other side of the city there is a shopping mall fully equipped with a KFC and a TGIF style sports bar. Our unofficial local guide, Lorena, mentioned that she would be going there to meet some friends from Argentina. She mentioned that it was American food, specifically BBQ ribs, and invited us to come along. I was weary, as I am with most American restaurants in other countries because they are mostly all chain restaurants with a cheesy atmosphere and food that is generally poor quality. In spite of my previous experiences with American food in other countries, all being monumentally disappointing, I conceded in going anyway thinking that it might be nice to have some BBQ ribs after having eaten noodles and rice for a year. The minute we walked in I knew I was in for trouble. There were posters of Elvis and other famous boxers and athletes covering the walls. The place was a typical, tacky American nightmare. The menu looked just like a TGIF and the prices were just the same. To stick the proverbial knife in further, there were no ribs on the menu. I decided at that moment I would try to find the most similar thing to Ecuadorian food I could find. That turned out to be a pressed panini with turkey, bacon and American cheese with a side of fries. Oh god, I knew that when I ordered it I had committed a monumental sin. In a country full of delicious, cheap food, I'm sitting at a cheesy fucking American chain restaurant about to eat a food that I am embarrassed to even say the name of out loud. No offense to Italians and your delicious cuisine, but the 'p-word' has become a staple of modern, soccer mom America and it makes me cringe at the sound. To add insult to injury, the service was terrible. I ordered water, and it came in a bottle so, after at least 10 minutes, I returned the bottle and ordered a beer instead. The beer never came. I ate half the pan-fuckin-ini and felt sick. My dad and I left with Lorena, as she was our ride there, and vowed to never eat that shitty excuse for food again. We were both feeling anxious in the restaurant and afterwards a bit saddened. However, later that night, we found a bar/resturant across the street from our hotel. We stopped in to have a drink and found a diamond in the Cuencan rough. Here's what our tab looked like:
1 glass of wine
2 Cuba Libres
Total: $6 USD
The menu was just as sweet. I found a ham sandwich with a side of fries and a small salad for $2.50. We redeemed ourselves!!! Speaking of which, I'm going to stuff my face with just that right now.
I leave you with this totally bunk city review of Quito that I wrote so that I could get a $20 coupon for my next flight through CheapOair. Note: I never left the airport in Quito and the Cafe Rosa is apparently some kind of strip club. haha. Enjoy.
After landing in Quito International and successfully douping an entire crew of customs agents, I successfully managed to import all of my previously duty-free items into the country. Now that my money making operation is nearly secured, it was time to get something to eat. Down through the old, tapering streets of La Ronda, through San Francisco Square and past the baroque church of La Compania, I come to small restaurant nestled comfortably off the main street. I sit down in anticipation, as I have been waiting for this moment since I left Beijing two days ago. First, an order of Guayllabamba which is a type of locro, a potato and cheese soup, that comes with avocado and pork and perfectly seasoned with onions and achiote. There was little time to marvel at the presentation of the dish as it was halfway consumed just as soon as it hit the table. Next I ordered El Quinche, another locro, but this one with fried lamb instead of pork. Oh yes, indulgence is the name of this game, and to ensure that I am properly gorging my face, I devour El Quiche in record time and prepared for a local dessert. You'd think that after this much protein and starch, any man would be practically rolling out of a chair and begging for a hot nurse to take him away in a wheelchair, but not this guy. Well, I wouldn't have minded the hot nurse of course, but I was just getting started with this night. In record time, Pastel de tres Leches, or the 'three milks' cake was placed before me. It was golden in color and seemed to be melting as it sat there, soundlessly awaiting its fate. It took a matter of seconds before I sent that cake on it's long journey back from where it came. After stuffing my face to excess, it was time to work off some of those proteins and calories by joining the locals in a native dance called the Pasillo. You can find Pasillo dance halls all over Quito, which is quite an appeal for those seeking a true, immersion experience. Single guys, brush up on your Spanish if you really want to impress the ladies out there. Single ladies, be careful, you might just be swept away by the romance of this dance, of course, that's not necessarily a bad thing.
After a few hours of stepping awkwardly through Salsa, Merengue, Pasillo and Bachata (I never said I was good at dancing) the dance hall began shutting down. So, my gorgeous Colombian/Ecuadorian dance parter and I got a few beers to go and decided to find more of the Quito party. What to do now? Our options were by far exhausted, so it was just a matter of making that, all too difficult at times, decision. In Quito however, no decisions are bad ones. We revert to the age old decision making tactic of flipping a coin and in the next minute we were off to one of my favorite spots in Quito, Cafe Rosa. With it's elegant draperies and warm, inviting atmosphere, it's a perfect late night hang out for vivacious locals and celebrities. Don't believe me? Just ask Dwight Howard (formally of the Orlando Magic). He made a guest appearance that very night.
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